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the frequency of different cosmetic surgeries among male and female Koreans.

the frequency of different cosmetic surgeries among male and female Koreans. Do3K6
Given are two bar graphs that showcase the frequency of different cosmetic surgeries among male and female Koreans. Later to taking a glance at two given graphs, it is easy to distinguish the cosmetic surgery with the highest and lowest repetition in both genders. Over three hundred eyelid procedures have been carried out for female Koreans in the year 2004, closely followed by Rhinoplasty, falling a little shy just under three hundred procedures. Male Koreans opted for hair transplantation more than anything else, with sixty procedures being carried out in the said year. However, the least performed surgery for female Koreans, liposuction, stands head and shoulders above the most prominent male one by roughly five hundred procedures, itself being just over one hundred. Abdominoplasty, being at the bottom of the barrel of male surgeries, pales in comparison to the rest of surgeries, with being considerably lower than twenty in the year 2004.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
are two bar graphs that showcase the frequency of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cosmetic surgeries among male and female Koreans.

Later to taking a glance at two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graphs, it is easy to distinguish the cosmetic surgery with the highest and lowest repetition in both genders. Over three hundred eyelid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
procedures
have
been carried
out for female Koreans in the year 2004,
closely
followed by Rhinoplasty, falling a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
shy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under three hundred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
procedures
. Male Koreans opted for hair transplantation more than anything else, with sixty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
procedures
being carried
out in the said year.

However
, the least performed surgery for female Koreans, liposuction, stands head and shoulders above the most prominent male one by roughly five hundred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
procedures
, itself being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over one hundred.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Abdominoplasty
, being at the bottom of the barrel of male surgeries, pales
in comparison
to the rest of surgeries, with being
considerably
lower than twenty in the year 2004.
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IELTS academic the frequency of different cosmetic surgeries among male and female Koreans.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
152 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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