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The chart shows the number of people in further education in Britain in three periods according to their kind of studying

The chart shows the number of people in further education in Britain in three periods according to their kind of studying Do3xA
The chart shows the number of people in further education in Britain in three periods according to their kind of studying, full-time or part-time, divided by student’s gender. Based on the left part of the chart, the number of men with part-time education are noticeably more then the number of ones with full-time education. Although the maximum number of part-time male students occurred in 1970, 71, about 1000 people, it’s amount is almost stable in next 2 decades. The right hand side of the chart shows that the number of female students with full-time and part-time education has risen during 1970-1990. Moreover, the number of women who were studying full-time are significantly less than whom with part-time education. In comparison of male chart and female chart, the number of male students were more than female with full-time or part-time education. However, as the number of women grew, the number of students in 1990 were mostly women.
The
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chart
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shows
the
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number
of
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people
in
further
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education
in Britain in three periods according to their kind of studying, full-time or part-time, divided by
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student’s
gender.

Based on the
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left
part of the
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chart
, the
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
with part-time
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education
are
noticeably
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
the
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number
of ones with full-time
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education
. Although the maximum
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number
of part-time male
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students
occurred in 1970, 71, about 1000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it’s amount is almost stable in
next
2 decades.

The
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right hand
side of the
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chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of female
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students
with full-time and part-time
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education
has risen during 1970-1990.
Moreover
, the
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number
of women who were studying full-time are
significantly
less than whom with part-time education.

In
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comparison
of male
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chart
and female
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chart
, the
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number
of male
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students
were more than female with full-time or part-time
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education
.
However
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of women grew, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in 1990 were
mostly
women.
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IELTS academic The chart shows the number of people in further education in Britain in three periods according to their kind of studying

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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