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The former given pie chart manifests the percentage of government consumption on Arts, whereas the later bar chart simulates the number of participants engaged in Arts Event over the course of period.

The former given pie chart manifests the percentage of government consumption on Arts, whereas the later bar chart simulates the number of participants engaged in Arts Event over the course of period. QLg0y
The former given pie chart manifests the percentage of government consumption on Arts, whereas the later bar chart simulates the number of participants engaged in Arts Event over the course of period. Overall, all variables presented a declivity throughout the timescale given, except in Theatre and Literature. Identically, the number of people involved in Arts Event increase consistently with respect to the government budget spent on Arts. As can be observed, an overwhelmingly high of precisely 120, 000 Arts Event participants were articulated in Music initially, which ascended noticeably to an approximate of 150, 000 Art participants. It measurably far exceeded from the amount of people participating literature at that time, whose figure started with just a quarter and grew exponentially by more than 10, 000 attendants. On the contrary, it is worth noting that the number of people involving in Music Events appreciated by 30, 000 people regardless of the reduction of initial investment. Likewise, the literature consumption remained static in terms of government spending over the aforementioned period, whilst the Arts attendants experienced a marginally increase. Regarding the lesser values, theatre indicated the inseparable relationship between the attendants demand and the government spending on theatre, which was occupied by negligibly beyond 80, 000 in the later period. Another significant feature is noteworthy that the sudden dwelling of government consumption on visual arts in 2005 closely brought about its participants reduced onwards by inconsiderably beneath 1, 000.
The former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart manifests the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
consumption on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
, whereas the later bar chart simulates the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
engaged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Event
over the course of period.

Overall
, all variables presented a declivity throughout the timescale
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, except in
Possible spelling mistake. 'Theatre' is British English.
Theatre
and Literature.
Identically
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Event
increase
consistently
with respect to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
budget spent on Arts.

As can
be observed
, an
overwhelmingly
high of
precisely
120, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Event
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
were articulated
in Music
initially
, which ascended
noticeably
to
The phrase 'an approximate of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'an' and 'of'.
an approximate of
150, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
. It
measurably
far exceeded from the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participating literature at that time, whose figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a quarter and grew
exponentially
by more than 10, 000 attendants.
On the contrary
, it is worth noting that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
involving in Music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Events
appreciated by 30, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of the reduction of initial investment.
Likewise
, the literature consumption remained static in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spending over the aforementioned period, whilst the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
attendants experienced a
You used an adverb ('marginally') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('increase') instead of another adjective.
marginally increase
.

Regarding the lesser values,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
indicated the inseparable relationship between the attendants demand and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spending on
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, which
was occupied
by
negligibly
beyond 80, 000 in the later period. Another significant feature is noteworthy that the sudden dwelling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
consumption on visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in 2005
closely
brought about its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
onwards by
Possible spelling mistake found.
inconsiderably
beneath 1, 000.
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IELTS academic The former given pie chart manifests the percentage of government consumption on Arts, whereas the later bar chart simulates the number of participants engaged in Arts Event over the course of period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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