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The following two pie charts show the resulrs of a survey inyo the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995

The following two pie charts show the resulrs of a survey inyo the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995 g9kO
A glance at the provided two pie charts illustrate the most widely leisure time activities of European adults over a decade, between 1985 and 1995. Overall what stands out from the given information is that, watching TV was lovely free time activity among adults in both years, from 1985 to 1995. In 1985 watching TV showed 32 per cent and it had gradual decrease after past 10 years with 30 percent. Yet, the most significant chance to happen during the given period was computer games became much more famous among adults who live in Europe, and in 1995 27 per cent of adults named it as the activity thar they spend their time enjoyable. And talking with friends saw an increase also from 21 per cent to 26 per cent over ten years. In stark contrast, other activities decreased in popularity. Eating out which was ths second widely activity in the past declined steeply from 23 per cent to 8 per cent in 1995. Similarly there were considerable decreases in the popularity ratings of talking with family, other activities and watching TV
A glance at the provided two pie charts illustrate the most
widely
leisure time
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activities
of European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
over a decade, between 1985 and 1995.
Overall
what stands out from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
information is that, watching TV was lovely free time
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activity
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in both years, from 1985 to 1995. In 1985 watching TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
32 per cent and it had gradual decrease after past 10 years with 30 percent.
Yet
, the most significant chance to happen during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period was computer games became much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
among
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adults
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Europe, and in 1995 27 per cent of
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adults
Did you mean simply "named it the"? You do not need the word 'as' here.
named it as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
Possible spelling mistake found.
thar
they spend their time enjoyable. And talking with friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an increase
also
from 21 per cent to 26 per cent over ten years. In stark contrast, other
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activities
decreased in popularity. Eating out which was
Possible spelling mistake found.
ths
second
widely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in the past declined
steeply
from 23 per cent to 8 per cent in 1995.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
there were considerable decreases in the popularity ratings of talking with family, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and watching
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
TV
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IELTS academic The following two pie charts show the resulrs of a survey inyo the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
181 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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