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The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester fromm 2002 to 2007.

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester fromm 2002 to 2007. g9lO
The bar chart illustrated how many hours each week adolescents from Chester spent on seven activities between 2002 and 2007. Overall, the most amount of time teenagers spent on TV, whereas bowling was the least preferred in the given period. Furthermore, going to pubs, watching television, shopping, showed the rise in number of hours that teenagers spent, compared to three other persuits (doing homework, doing sport, bowling) that illustrated the decline in hours. Watching DVDs fluctuated. In terms of watching televisions showing were increased from 25 hours per week in 2002 and over 35 hours in 2007. Though, remained steady from 2002 to 2003 (inclusive) – 25 hours. The trend of rising was observed in going to pubs/discos (more than 5 hours each week in 2002 and considerably more than 15 hours in 2006) and shopping (above 5 hours per week in 2002 and 15 – in 2007). Although, going to pubs/discos remained stable from 2004 to 2006 (inclusive) and shopping – from 2003 to 2004. On the other hand, doing homework gradual fell - more than 10 hours in 2002 and above 5 hours in 2007. Almost doubled declined doing sport from 2002 to 2007 (slightly under 10 hours to over 0 respectively). The spending time for bowling also steadily dipped from approximately 5 hours in 2002 to about 0 in 2007. Watching DVDs fluctuated: gradually increased (just over 10 hours in 2002 and more than 15 hours in 2004) and dipped doubled between 2004 (more than 15 hours) and 2007 (10 hours).
The bar chart illustrated how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
adolescents from Chester spent on seven activities between 2002 and 2007.

Overall
, the most amount of time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spent on TV, whereas bowling was the least preferred in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.
Furthermore
, going to pubs, watching television, shopping,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the rise in number of
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hours
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spent, compared to three other
Possible spelling mistake found.
persuits
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(doing
homework,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
sport, bowling) that illustrated the decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. Watching DVDs fluctuated.

In terms of watching televisions showing
were increased
from 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
in 2002 and over 35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in 2007.
“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
, remained steady from 2002 to 2003 (inclusive)
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. The trend of rising
was observed
in going to pubs/discos (more than 5
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hours
each
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week
in 2002 and
considerably
more than 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in 2006) and shopping (above 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
in 2002 and 15
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
in 2007). Although, going to pubs/discos remained stable from 2004 to 2006 (inclusive) and shopping
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
from 2003 to 2004.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
homework gradual fell
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
more than 10
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hours
in 2002 and above 5
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hours
in 2007. Almost doubled declined
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doing
sport from 2002 to 2007 (
slightly
under 10
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hours
to over 0
respectively
). The spending time for bowling
also
steadily
dipped from approximately 5
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hours
in 2002 to about 0 in 2007.

Watching DVDs fluctuated:
gradually
increased (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in 2002 and more than 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in 2004) and dipped doubled between 2004 (more than 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours)
and 2007 (10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours)
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester fromm 2002 to 2007.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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