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The following table shows the surveyed result of people of difference ages of both sexes regarding preferred feature of a visited country.

The following table shows the surveyed result of people of difference ages of both sexes regarding preferred feature of a visited country. W5ARK
The above table describes the variety of features of a target country regarded important by holiday makers of different age brackets and genders. The features include views, shopping areas, food, and entertainment. Males at the age of 12-30 deem entertainment as the most important consideration with 42 votes, followed by food with 31 votes. Views and shopping, each with no more than 15 votes, are not significant variables for younger males. For elder males, however, their focus manifestly shifts from entertainment to food and views with at least 40 votes each, while shopping and entertainment seem to matter very little. As for the votes from females, the result of their preference is almost identical to that of males, as entertainment and food rank first and second, somehow reflecting how similar younger generations of either sex are to each other. Nevertheless, the trend levels off as girls become woman, who consider shopping, with 35 votes, as the first priority when choosing a visited country, whereas the other three features hovers around 20 votes respectively. The conducted poll suggests that when people are younger, their value of interest tend to be positively correlated, but become diverted after the age of 30. Overall speaking, quality food is the most selected feature of a worthwhile visit.
The above table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the variety of features of a target country regarded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
by holiday makers of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age brackets and genders. The features include views,
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shopping
areas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and entertainment.

Males at the age of 12-30 deem entertainment as the most
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important
consideration with 42
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votes
, followed by
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food
with 31
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votes
. Views and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, each with no more than 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
votes
, are not significant variables for younger males. For elder males,
however
, their focus
manifestly
shifts from entertainment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and views with at least 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
votes
each, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and entertainment seem to matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
.

As for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
votes
from females, the result of their preference is almost identical to that of males, as entertainment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rank
first
and second, somehow reflecting how similar younger generations of either sex are to each other.
Nevertheless
, the trend levels off as girls become woman, who consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, with 35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
votes
, as the
first
priority when choosing a visited country, whereas the other three features hovers around 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
votes
respectively
.

The conducted poll suggests that when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are younger, their value of interest tend to be
positively
correlated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
become diverted after the age of 30.
Overall
speaking, quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the most selected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feature
of a worthwhile visit.
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IELTS academic The following table shows the surveyed result of people of difference ages of both sexes regarding preferred feature of a visited country.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
212 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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