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The following table and chart show the surveyed result of people of difference ages regarding their preferences upon features of a cellphone, as well as the average sales figure of cellphones per month in a cell-phone company.

The following table and chart show the surveyed result of people of difference ages regarding their preferences upon features of a cellphone, as well as the average sales figure of cellphones per month in a cell-phone company. bEPBg
The table depicts the people’s preference featuring different demands on the cell-phones by looking at ages of 5 groups from 15 to more than 55 years olds. In order of the number of selected demands, for those between 26 and 35, it seems most functions of a cell-phone are needed, followed by those between 35 and 46, who also consider most features necessary except for games, which may not be needed for people at this age range perhaps because they are comparatively older and too busy for games. Younger generation reasonable picks up entertainment considerations including games, camera, music capacity, and the appearance of a cell-phone. The older generation between 46 and 55, on the other hand, regard the price, Internet service and camera as needed, preceding the oldest 55 plus group who care nothing but the price. Averagely speaking, the price and camera capacity are the most popular feature with 4 votes, while the cell-phone’s design of appearance, music function and the Internet service have 3 votes respectively. Games and twin-chips functions, with only 2 votes however, are not considered as essential for most people. Furthermore, it seems those between 26 and 35 can make maximum use of all functions of a cell-phone. The second given chart also tells us that those at age 26-35 buy the most cell-phones, 154 among the 5 age groups. The second highest are those at age 36-45 with 132, followed by those at age 15-25 with 102 and those at age 46-55 with 88. The least cell-phone number is 80 at the age 56+. This ranking order is positively correlated with the number of people’s preferences being voted.
The table depicts the
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people’s
preference featuring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
demands on the cell-phones by looking at
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ages
of 5 groups from 15 to more than 55 years olds.

In order of the number of selected demands, for those between 26 and 35, it seems most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
of a cell-phone
are needed
, followed by those between 35 and 46, who
also
consider most features necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
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games
, which may not
be needed
for
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people
at this
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age
range perhaps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
comparatively
older and too busy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Younger generation reasonable picks up entertainment considerations including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, camera, music capacity, and the appearance of a cell-phone. The older generation between 46 and 55,
on the other hand
, regard the price, Internet service and camera as needed, preceding the oldest 55 plus group who care nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the price.

Averagely
speaking, the price and camera capacity are the most popular feature with 4 votes, while the cell-phone’s design of appearance, music
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function
and the Internet service have 3 votes
respectively
.
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Games
and twin-chips
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2 votes
however
, are not considered as essential for most
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people
.
Furthermore
, it seems those between 26 and 35 can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
maximum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
of a cell-phone.

The second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us that those at
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age
26-35
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the most cell-phones, 154 among the 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups. The second highest are those at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
36-45 with 132, followed by those at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
15-25 with 102 and those at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
46-55 with 88.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
least cell-phone number is 80 at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
56+. This ranking order is
positively
correlated with the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
preferences
being voted
.
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IELTS academic The following table and chart show the surveyed result of people of difference ages regarding their preferences upon features of a cellphone, as well as the average sales figure of cellphones per month in a cell-phone company.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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