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The following graphs illustrate electronic gaming trends in South Korea in 2006. The first outlines gamer age groups and gender demographics. The second indicates game type preference. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The following graphs illustrate electronic gaming trends in South Korea in 2006. The first outlines gamer age groups and gender demographics. The second indicates game type preference. QLk09
The given graphs depict the trends of electronic gaming in South Korea in 2006. The first graph compares the percentage of total gamers on the basis of their age groups and gender. The second represents the order of popularity of games among their users measured in the terms of percentages. Overall, the electronic gaming was more famous among males than females over all the age groups. Apart from that, role playing games was played more often than other games among all the gamers. To begin, more than two-fifths of gamers belong to the age group of 20-29 years which constitutes one-third males and one-tenth females. The second place was taken by gamers (28%) made up around one-fifth males and one-tenth females from the age group 13-19 years. Thirdly, just over one-tenth of gamers were aged more than 30 years (men 11% and females 2%). Lastly, gamers younger than 12 years of age comprise just less than a fifth of total gamers. Meanwhile, around half of the gamers entertained themselves by role playing games followed by action (21%), strategy/turn (19%), simulation (11%) and other games (1%) in the decreasing order.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graphs depict the trends of electronic gaming in South Korea in 2006. The
first
graph compares the percentage of total gamers on the basis of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
and gender.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
second represents the order of popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
among their users measured in the terms of percentages.

Overall
, the electronic gaming was more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
among males than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
over all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. Apart from that,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
role playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
was played
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
among all the gamers.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, more than two-fifths of gamers belong to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 20-29 years which constitutes one-third males and one-tenth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. The second place
was taken
by gamers (28%) made up around one-fifth males and one-tenth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
13-19 years.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over one-tenth of gamers
Possible agreement error
were
aged more than 30 years (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
11% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
2%).
Lastly
, gamers younger than 12 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
comprise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
less than a fifth of total gamers.

Meanwhile, around half of the gamers entertained themselves by
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
role playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
followed by action (21%), strategy/turn (19%), simulation (11%) and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
(1%) in the decreasing order.
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IELTS academic The following graphs illustrate electronic gaming trends in South Korea in 2006. The first outlines gamer age groups and gender demographics. The second indicates game type preference.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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