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The following bar graph compares the age profiles of male and female cinema goers in the year 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The following bar graph compares the age profiles of male and female cinema goers in the year 2012. p1XA3
The given graph depicts the diffrent age groups of male and female cinema visitor for the year 2012 Overall, it is seen that people of age group 50+ visit cinema more as compared to other age group whereas age group 14-16 are the least in visiting cinema To begin with, people of age group14-17 preffer less to visit cinema as they are just 7 percent both male and female wheras in age group 18-24 fifteen percent cinema visitors are women and 16 percent are men also in age group 25-34 men visitors are 23 percent and women visitor are 20 percent which mean that in these age groups mens visits cinema more as compared to womens Moreover, in age group 35-49 there are 25 percent male visitors and 25 percent female visitors whereas in age group 50+ this age group has highest cinema visitors as 33 percent ate male and 29 percent are female this group is highest as compared to others
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graph depicts the
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diffrent
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age
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groups
of male and
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female
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cinema
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
for the year 2012

Overall
, it is
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seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
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age
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group
50+ visit
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cinema
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to other
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age
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group
whereas
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age
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group
14-16 are the least in visiting cinema

To
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begin
with,
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people
of
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age
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group14-17
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preffer
less to visit
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cinema
as they are
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just
7
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percent
both male and
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female
Possible spelling mistake found.
wheras
in
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age
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group
18-24 fifteen
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percent
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cinema
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visitors
are women and 16
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percent
are
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men
also
in
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age
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group
25-34
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men
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visitors
are 23
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percent
and women
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visitor
are 20
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percent
which mean that in these
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age
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groups
Possible spelling mistake found.
mens
visits
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cinema
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to
Possible spelling mistake found.
womens


Moreover
, in
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age
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group
35-49 there are 25
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percent
male
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visitors
and 25
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percent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
whereas in
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age
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group
50+ this
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age
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group
has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
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cinema
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
as 33
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percent
ate male and 29
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percent
are
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female
this
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group
is highest as compared to others
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IELTS academic The following bar graph compares the age profiles of male and female cinema goers in the year 2012.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The following bar graph compares the age profiles of male and female cinema goers in the year 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.