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The first line graph illustrates information about the average monthly amount that British parents spent on their children's sporting activities in the period from 2008 to 2014

The first line graph illustrates information about the average monthly amount that British parents spent on their children's sporting activities in the period from 2008 to 2014 gALX7
The first line graph illustrates information about the average monthly amount that British parents spent on their children's sporting activities in the period from 2008 to 2014. The second graph provides the quantity of children who took part in three different sports in Britain over the same time period. Overall, the number of children who joined in three sporting activities witnessed upward trends, which resulted in the money spending in sports similar trends. Throughout the period, football dominated the market in the majority of the research, which created a large gap with the other sports. Although, in the beginning, the quantity of children participating in Athletics was nearly zero, in the last period that figure surged and surpassed swimming. In 2008, the money spent by British parents on their children's sporting activities accounted for around 20 pounds per month. Over the following six years, that figure experienced a gradual increase and reached a peak in 2014 with 34 pounds per month. In 2008, approximately 8 millions childrens played football, with only 2 millions childrens participated in swimming and less than 1 million took part in athletics. The number of children who played football remained stable over the following six years. On the other hand, participation in swimming climb a doubled, and there was a dramatic increase in the number of children who took part in athletics to around 5 millions.
The
first
line graph illustrates information about the average monthly amount that British parents spent on their children's sporting activities in the period from 2008 to 2014. The second graph provides the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports in Britain over the same time period.

Overall
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
in three sporting activities witnessed upward trends, which resulted in the money spending in sports similar trends. Throughout the period, football dominated the market in the majority of the research, which created a large gap with the other sports. Although, in the beginning, the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
participating in Athletics was
nearly
zero, in the last period that figure surged and surpassed swimming.

In 2008, the money spent by British parents on their children's sporting activities accounted for around
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
20 pounds
per month. Over the following six years, that figure experienced a gradual increase and reached a peak in 2014 with
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
34 pounds
per month.

In 2008, approximately 8
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millions
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens played
football, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
participated in swimming and less than 1
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million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in athletics. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
played football remained stable over the following six years.
On the other hand
, participation in swimming climb a doubled, and there was a dramatic increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in athletics to around 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
.
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IELTS academic The first line graph illustrates information about the average monthly amount that British parents spent on their children's sporting activities in the period from 2008 to 2014

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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