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changes in ownership of electrical appliences

changes in ownership of electrical appliences E7YVD
The first chart illustrates the difference between 1920-2019 of how much electrical supplies were used in presents. The other chart gives us information about the amount of hars were spent on housework per week from 1920 to 2019. Also, in the first chart, three electrical appliances here shown, mere are: washing machine refrigerator and vaccum cleaner. It is immediately apparrent that the usage of refrigerator was only o% percent, but after it sharply increased and reached its peak in 1980. Also the vaccum cleaner's use has 30 percents in1920, but after it also bad its dramatic grown and reached the pealr in the beginning of 2000 and still sets up there. Washing machine’s use was abaut 40% in the I920, which is for 70 percent more than it was in vaccum machine’s case. It increases and reaches own peak in 1960, after it decreases in the beginning of 1980 and grows again for more than 70 percent in 2019. In the second chart the number of to-do in the house was about 50 hours in 1920, but it stably decreased till 10 hours in 2019. Each year the house number decreased for about 15 hours, but it did not fluctuated from 1980 till 2019.
The
first
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chart
illustrates the difference between 1920-2019 of how much electrical supplies were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in presents. The other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
gives us information about the amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
hars
were spent
on housework per week from 1920 to 2019.

Also
, in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
, three electrical appliances here shown, mere are: washing machine refrigerator and
Possible spelling mistake found.
vaccum
cleaner.

It is immediately
Possible spelling mistake found.
apparrent
that the usage of refrigerator was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
o%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after it
sharply
increased and reached its peak in 1980.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the
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vaccum
cleaner's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
has 30
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percents
in1920,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
its dramatic grown and reached the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pealr
in the beginning of 2000 and
still
sets up there. Washing machine’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
was
Possible spelling mistake found.
abaut
40% in the I920, which is for 70
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percent
more than it was in
Possible spelling mistake found.
vaccum
machine’s case.

It increases and reaches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
peak in 1960, after it decreases in the beginning of 1980 and grows again for more than 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2019.

In the second
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chart
the number of to-do in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
was about 50 hours in 1920,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
stably
decreased till 10 hours in 2019. Each year the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
number decreased for about 15 hours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it did not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "fluctuate"?
fluctuated
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 1980 to 2019"?
from 1980 till 2019
.
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IELTS academic changes in ownership of electrical appliences

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
204 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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