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The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period. bYQ7l
The two line-graph shows the information between the years 2008 and 2014. The first line graph describes the money spend on sports by their British parents, and the second graph shows the participation in three different types of sports by the children. Overall, in the first graph, the money spending is in pounds and in the second graph, the number of children that participated in football, athletics and swimming are in millions. Beginning with the first graph the average money spent on children's sports in 2008 is 20 pounds and modestly climbed up to 25 in 2010. However, in 2012 the spending increased by only 2 pounds but surprisingly, in 2014 the money spending on sports rose to 33 pounds. Turning to the second line graph, the number of children who participated in football is the highest of all the other sports. In 2008, only 1 million children participated in athletics and that was the least, but in 2014, the minimum number of children participate in swimming.
The two line-graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the information between the years 2008 and 2014. The
first
line
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graph
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describes
the
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money
spend on
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sports
by their British parents, and the second
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graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the participation in three
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different
types of
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sports
by the children.

Overall
, in the
first
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graph
, the
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money
spending is in pounds and in the second
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graph
, the number of
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children
that participated in football, athletics and swimming are in millions.

Beginning with the
first
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graph
the average
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money
spent on children's
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sports
in 2008 is
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
20 pounds
and
modestly
climbed up to 25 in 2010.
However
, in 2012 the spending increased by
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only
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
2 pounds
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but
surprisingly
, in 2014 the
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money
spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
rose to
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
33 pounds
.

Turning to the second line
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graph
, the number of
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children
who participated in football is the highest of all the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In 2008,
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only
1 million
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children
participated in athletics and that was the least,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2014, the minimum number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
participate in swimming.
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IELTS academic The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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