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The figure shows the results of a survey of 1000 adolescents in five different countries. The participants were asked at what age they believed certain rights and responsibilities should be granted to young people. v.1

The figure shows the results of a survey of 1000 adolescents in five different countries. The participants were asked at what age they believed certain rights and responsibilities should be granted to young people. v. 1
The provided column graph summarises the result of a study and indicates what people in five different countries think to be the appropriate age to be allowed to have certain rights and responsibilities. Generally speaking, citizens’ opinion regarding the right age for marriage, voting and prosecution for crime greatly varies. As is given in the illustration, people in Japan and the UK opine that they should not marry until they are at least 20 years old while Americans believe that this age should be exactly 18. On the contrary, Mexicans and Egyptians agreed that they should be allowed to get married just after they cross 15. In terms of the voting power, Japanese state that 20 years is the right age for them while Americans and Egyptians express it should be 18. Both British and Mexicans want their voting right at 16 years, on the contrary. Finally, American people give their opinion that someone should be charged by the law for committing any crime when they become 12 years old. Japanese seems like have a different opinion as they believe that someone should not be imposed with criminal offence until they turn 18 years. Survey participants in other three countries expressed that before 14 they should not be punished by law for any misdeed.
The provided column graph
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarises' is British English.
summarises
the result of a study and indicates what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to be the appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to have certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
and responsibilities.
Generally
speaking, citizens’ opinion regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for marriage, voting and prosecution for crime
greatly
varies.

As is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the illustration,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Japan and the UK opine that they should not marry until they are at least 20 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
while Americans believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should be exactly 18.
On the contrary
, Mexicans and Egyptians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after they cross 15. In terms of the voting power, Japanese state that 20 years is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for them while Americans and Egyptians express it should be 18. Both British and Mexicans want their voting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
at 16 years,
on the contrary
.

Finally
, American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give their opinion that someone should
be charged
by the law for committing any crime when they become 12 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Japanese seems like have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion as they believe that someone should not
be imposed
with criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
until they turn 18 years. Survey participants in other three countries expressed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
14 they should not
be punished
by law for any misdeed.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS academic The figure shows the results of a survey of 1000 adolescents in five different countries. The participants were asked at what age they believed certain rights and responsibilities should be granted to young people. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
214 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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