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The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland. v.3

The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland. v. 3
The given illustration elucidates the nativity, death and population growth rate in Scotland from 1940 and gives projection till the year 2020. Generally speaking, population growth rate in Scotland dropped to almost zero around 2003 and death cases would rise in the future. As can be seen from the given line graph, natality in Scotland in 1940 stood at 2. 5% while mortality was 1. 5%. Population growth rate at that time was just below 1% which afterwards increased sharlply till 1955 with a slight drop in early 1940s. The fertility rate showed an overall downward trend with some fluctuations and reached to zero after 2000. On the contrary, mortality rate decreased rapidly till 1960 when it stood at just below 0. 5% and after that remained nearly stable till 2010. With regards to growth of population, it reached the peak in 1955 and stood at 1. 5% and then kept on decreasing before reaching to nill. The line graph also predicts that the death cases in Scotland will rise in the future and would intersect the fertility rate in around 2018 when they would stay at just below one percent. In summary, the demographic statistics depicts that Scotland managed to nullify its population growth in around 2003 while the mortality and fertility rate would stood at the same level in the future.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustration elucidates the nativity, death and
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population
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growth
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rate
in Scotland from 1940 and gives projection till the year 2020.
Generally
speaking,
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population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in Scotland dropped to almost zero around 2003 and death cases would rise in the future.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph,
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natality
in Scotland in 1940
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stood
at 2. 5% while mortality was 1. 5%.
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Population
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growth
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rate
at that time was
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just
below 1% which afterwards increased
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sharlply
till 1955 with a slight drop in early 1940s. The fertility
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rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an
overall
downward trend with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations and reached to zero after 2000.
On the contrary
, mortality
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rate
decreased
rapidly
till 1960 when it
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stood
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 0. 5% and after that remained
nearly
stable till 2010.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
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growth
of
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population
, it reached the peak in 1955 and
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stood
at 1. 5% and then
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kept
on decreasing
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before
reaching to
Possible spelling mistake found.
nill
.

The line graph
also
predicts that the death cases in Scotland will rise in the future and would intersect the fertility
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rate
in around 2018 when they would stay at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below one percent.

In summary, the demographic statistics depicts that Scotland managed to nullify its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
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growth
in around 2003 while the mortality and fertility
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rate
would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "stand"
stood
at the same level in the future.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS academic The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland. v. 3

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
223 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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