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The expenditure of consumer goods in 2 countries is given in the graph below

The expenditure of consumer goods in 2 countries is given in the graph below 7JjQX
The bar chart depecits the expenditure of five consumer goods in France and uk in the year 2010. Overall, it can be seen that cars were the commodity with the maximum expenditure in both the countries. The least amount spent on was in perfumes in both the countries. There was a drastic change in expenditure for cameras in uk and France. Firstly, the expense for cars in both the countries was the highest at 400k in France and 450k in uk. In comparison perfumes were the commodity with least expenditure with 200k In France and 150k in uk. Moreover, computers in both the countries were almost equal at 350k in uk and just over 350k in France. The expenditure of books was higher in uk as compared to France with 400k in uk and 300k in france. The expenditure in cameras had a drastic difference in both countries with 150k in France and 400k In uk
The bar chart
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depecits
the
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expenditure
of five consumer
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goods
in France and
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uk
in the year 2010.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that cars were the commodity with the maximum
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expenditure
in both the
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countries
. The least amount spent on was in perfumes in both the
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countries
. There was a drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
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expenditure
for cameras in
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uk
and France.

Firstly
, the expense for cars in both the
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countries
was the highest at 400k in France and 450k in
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uk
. In
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comparison
perfumes were the commodity with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
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expenditure
with 200k In France and 150k in
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uk
.

Moreover
, computers in both the
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countries
were almost equal at 350k in
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uk
and
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just
over 350k in France. The
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expenditure
of books was higher in
Possible spelling mistake found.
uk
as compared to France with 400k in
Possible spelling mistake found.
uk
and 300k in
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france
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
in cameras had a drastic difference in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with 150k in France and 400k In
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
uk
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IELTS academic The expenditure of consumer goods in 2 countries is given in the graph below

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
155 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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