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The enrolmment rate of foreign and local students in Australian universities

The enrolmment rate of foreign and local students in Australian universities Wn2le
The line graph below illustrates the enrollments of foreign students and local students in the universities of Austrailia over decade. Generally, The rates of local students in Australia has increased only 20000 students for a ten-year period. While the overseas students dramatically increased year by year until 2010. Moreover commencing percentage of foreign students is higher than local students. The overseas students enrollment was 20000 in 2001, 27000 in 2002, 30000 in 2004, 39000 in 2004, 43000 in 2005. Also 46000 in 2006 59000in 2007, 64000in 2008, 78000vin 2009 and in the end 80000 in 2010. Meanwhile local students rate was 40000 in 2001, 46000 in 2002, 50000 in 2003, 53000 in 2004, 54000 in 2005, 58000 in 2006 and 60000 for 4 years until 2010. On the other hand, the commencing level of foreign students is 10000 in 2001, 11000 in 2002, 13000 in 2003, 15000 in 2004, 18000 in 2005, 20000 in 2006 24000 in 2007, 30000 in 2008, 40000 in 2009 41000 in 2010. During the local students rate was 18000 in 2001, 22000 in 2002, 20000 in 2003, 19000 in 2004, 18000 in 2005, 17000 in 2006, 20000 in 2007, 22000 in 2008, 21000 in 2009, 22000 in 2010
The line graph below illustrates the enrollments of foreign
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students
and
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local
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students
in the universities of
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Austrailia
over decade.

Generally
, The rates of
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local
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students
in Australia has increased
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only
20000
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students
for a ten-year period. While the overseas
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students
dramatically
increased year by year until 2010.
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Moreover
commencing percentage of foreign
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students
is higher than
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local
students.

The overseas
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students
enrollment was 20000 in 2001, 27000 in 2002, 30000 in 2004, 39000 in 2004, 43000 in 2005.
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Also
46000 in 2006 59000in 2007, 64000in 2008, 78000vin 2009 and in the
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end
80000 in 2010.
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Meanwhile
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local
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students
rate was 40000 in 2001, 46000 in 2002, 50000 in 2003, 53000 in 2004, 54000 in 2005, 58000 in 2006 and 60000 for 4 years until 2010.

On the other hand
, the commencing level of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is 10000 in 2001, 11000 in 2002, 13000 in 2003, 15000 in 2004, 18000 in 2005, 20000 in 2006 24000 in 2007, 30000 in 2008, 40000 in 2009 41000 in 2010. During the
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local
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students
rate was 18000 in 2001, 22000 in 2002, 20000 in 2003, 19000 in 2004, 18000 in 2005, 17000 in 2006, 20000 in 2007, 22000 in 2008, 21000 in 2009, 22000 in 2010
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IELTS academic The enrolmment rate of foreign and local students in Australian universities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
202 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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