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The enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

The enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. Va3A
The graphs illustrates the enrolments of foreign students and local students in Australian universities from 2001 to 2010. To start with, we can see the number of total students have increased over the year for both overseas and domistic student but the number of commencing students have been consistance. we can also see a steady number of local students from year 2007 to 2010. In the first graph, number of foreign total students were 20000 in 2001 which gradually grew to litte above 80000 in 2010. Elsewhere, the number of foreign student commecing students went from less then 20000 to around 40000 in 10 year. In the second graph, the number of total domestic students were already 40000 in 2001 and rised to 60000 in 6 year but it stopped incresing from 2007 to 2010. Nevertheless, the number of commencing local students have been in oscillation numbers around 20000. To conclude, we can say from the data of both graphs that, though the number overseas students have been increasing drastically over the 10 year period, the number of commencing domistic students have increased merely. however, the total students of domistic student increased for several years, now it's in steady number.
The
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graphs
You should probably use "illustrate".
illustrates
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
of foreign
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students
and local
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students
in Australian universities from 2001 to 2010.

To
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start
with, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
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number
of
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total
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students
have increased over the
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year
for both overseas and
Possible spelling mistake found.
domistic
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student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
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number
of commencing
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students
have been
Possible spelling mistake found.
consistance
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a steady
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number
of local
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students
from
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year
2007 to 2010.

In the
first
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graph
,
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number
of foreign
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total
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students
were 20000 in 2001 which
gradually
grew to
Possible spelling mistake found.
litte
above 80000 in 2010. Elsewhere, the
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number
of foreign
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student
Possible spelling mistake found.
commecing
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students
went from less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
20000 to around 40000 in 10 year.

In the second
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graph
, the
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number
of
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total
domestic
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students
were already 40000 in 2001 and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "rose", the past tense form of the verb 'rise'?
rised
to 60000 in 6
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year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
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stopped
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incresing
from 2007 to 2010.
Nevertheless
, the
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number
of commencing local
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students
have been in oscillation
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numbers
around 20000.

To conclude
, we can say from the data of both
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graphs
that, though the
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number
overseas
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students
have been increasing
drastically
over the 10
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year
period, the
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number
of commencing
Possible spelling mistake found.
domistic
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students
have increased
merely
.
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however
, the
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total
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students
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
domistic
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student
increased for several years,
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now
it's in steady
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number
.
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IELTS academic The enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
200 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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