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The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period. Ka29
The pie charts displays the information of changes of tourism of two countries which are Australia and Germany over the period of five decades from 1960-2010. Overall, according to charts, it can be seen that Asian people showed highest interest in visiting Australia and Germany whereas European resulted less and economical fluctuation was seen by people of other countries. At first, Europeans people resulted giant enjoyment in visiting Australia with 53% for tour purpose in 1960 which significantly dive down to 10% in the year 2010. Secondly, more than tripled proportion was observed among the Asian citizen visiting Australia from 10% to 63% throughout the period. Additionally, there has been minor change of individuals for tourism in Germany. In 1960, the residence of UK visiting Germany were 20%, which collapsed to 6% in the year 2010. Moreover, rate of European people for tour in Germany decline from 45% to 40% throughout the years.
The pie charts displays the information of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of tourism of two countries which are Australia and Germany over the period of five decades from 1960-2010.

Overall
, according to charts, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
interest in visiting Australia and Germany whereas European resulted less and economical fluctuation was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of other countries.

At
first
, Europeans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
resulted giant enjoyment in visiting Australia with 53% for tour purpose in 1960 which
significantly
This phrase might be redundant. Consider using "dive".
dive down
to 10% in the year 2010.
Secondly
, more than tripled proportion
was observed
among the Asian citizen visiting Australia from 10% to 63% throughout the period.

Additionally
, there has been minor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of individuals for tourism in Germany. In 1960, the residence of UK visiting Germany were 20%, which collapsed to 6% in the year 2010.
Moreover
, rate of European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for tour in Germany decline from 45% to 40% throughout the years.
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IELTS academic The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
153 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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