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The enrollments of students overseas and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period

The enrollments of students overseas and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period Nb0N
The provided two graphs illustrate applications from foreign and local students to Australian universities in the ten year period, from 2001 - 2010. In the graph, it can be seen that in 2001, 20000 foreign students applied to Australian universities. In contrast, commencing rates were slightly lower than the total number of applications at around 16500. Although at the end of the period, even though both sections experienced dramatic increases, the gap between the number of total and commencing enrolments is expanded significantly. And about the local students. commencing rates were always lower than the total number of enrolments and remained stable at around 200000 enrolments with some fluctuations. however, the total number were at 400000 in 2001 but it increased suddenly to 600000 enrolments in 2007 then it remained the same over the period. The number of local students is significantly higher than that of foreign students. Although commencing rates for both types of students was very lower than the total
The provided two graphs illustrate applications from foreign and local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to Australian universities in the
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "ten-year"
ten year
period,
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 2001 to 2010"?
from 2001 - 2010
.

In the graph, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in 2001, 20000 foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
applied to Australian universities.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commencing
rates were
slightly
lower than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of applications at around 16500. Although at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period,
even though
both sections experienced dramatic increases, the gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commencing
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
is expanded
significantly
.

And about the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
commencing
rates were always lower than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
and remained stable at around 200000
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
were at 400000 in 2001
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it increased
suddenly
to 600000
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
in 2007 then it remained the same over the period.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is
significantly
higher than that of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commencing
rates for both types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lower than the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
total

IELTS academic The enrollments of students overseas and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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