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The enrollments of students overseas and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period

The enrollments of students overseas and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period Q0m9
the number of overseas tertiary students enrolled and the total increased significantly. The total number of Australian students enrolled has also increased significantly, while fluctuating markedly at the start. The total number of foreign students applying for admission has seen a remarkable growth. According to the chart, the proportion of students from other countries starting to earn a degree in Australia has increased from 20, 000 to over 80, 000. Similarly, 400, 000 domestic enrollments were made in 2001 and increased to 600, 000 in 2007, after which they remained stable for 3 years. In particular, when it started, the number of enrollments from all over the world increased, while the local schools remained relatively stable. On the international level, the number of accepted foreign student applications was around 10, 000 in 2001 and increased markedly to 40000 in 2009, then gradually decreased in 2010. Likewise, around 15, 000 Australian registrations started in 2001. However, there was an unrest that began from 2002 to 2010.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
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number
of overseas tertiary
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students
enrolled and the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
significantly
. The total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolled has
also
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increased
significantly
, while fluctuating
markedly
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.

The total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
applying for admission has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a remarkable growth. According to the chart, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from other countries starting to earn a degree in Australia has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
from 20, 000 to over 80, 000.
Similarly
, 400, 000 domestic enrollments
were made
in 2001 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
to 600, 000 in 2007, after which they remained stable for 3 years.

In particular
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of enrollments from all over the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
, while the local schools remained
relatively
stable. On the international level, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
applications was around 10, 000 in 2001 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
markedly
to 40000 in 2009, then
gradually
decreased in 2010.
Likewise
, around 15, 000 Australian registrations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in 2001.
However
, there was an unrest that began from 2002 to 2010.
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IELTS academic The enrollments of students overseas and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
165 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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