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The enrollments of students overseas and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period

The enrollments of students overseas and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period db1X
The line graphs illustrate the participation of local students and international students in Australian universities from 2001 to 2010, over a ten-year period. Overall, it is clear that while the numbers of abroad university students in commencing and total both increases considerably, the enrolments of Australian learners also rose significantly in total, but fluctuated markedly in commencing. There was a dramatic rocket in the total number of enrollments of overseas students from 20000 jumps to a little over 80000 between the period of ten years. Similarly, the 400000 inland enrolments were made in 2001 and jumped to 600000 in 2007, then they remained stable for 3 years. To be specific in commencing, the numbers of enrollment from around the world grew up, while the local ones remained relatively fluctuated. The number of international applications rose up from around 10000 to 40000 in 2009 and a slight increase in 2010. In the same way, around 160000 Australians enrolled in commencing during 2001. However, there was a fluctuated started in 2002 to 2010.
The line graphs illustrate the participation of local
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students
and international
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students
in Australian universities from 2001 to 2010, over a ten-year period.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that while the
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numbers
of abroad university
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students
in commencing and total both increases
considerably
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
of Australian learners
also
rose
significantly
in total,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fluctuated
markedly
in commencing.

There was a dramatic rocket in the total
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number
of enrollments of overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from 20000 jumps to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
over 80000 between the period of ten years.
Similarly
, the 400000 inland
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
were made
in 2001 and jumped to 600000 in 2007, then they remained stable for 3 years.

To be specific in commencing, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of enrollment from around the world grew up, while the local ones remained
relatively
fluctuated. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of international applications rose up from around 10000 to 40000 in 2009 and a slight increase in 2010.
In the same way
, around 160000 Australians enrolled in commencing during 2001.
However
, there was a fluctuated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in 2002 to 2010.

IELTS academic The enrollments of students overseas and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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