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The enrollments of students overseas and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period

The enrollments of students overseas and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period VgNO
The two graphs illustrate the number of enrolments which is done by local students and overseas students in Australian universities from 2001 to 2010. Commencing from 2001 in the first graph, there are approximately 11, 000 new international students who start their studies in Australian universities. Subsequently, the number continues rising gradually every year and reaches 40, 000 in 2010. It makes up half of the total of overseas students which includes the ones that already enrolled in the past years in 2010. Besides, the growth of the total foreign students has changed significantly when it makes a twofold increase in every five years. In the second paragraph, the population of local students is around 600, 000 in 2010, while 200, 000 of them start the university program in the same year. However, the number of local students who just started in Australian universities has fluctuated over a ten-year period while the total of them has a gradual growth. Overall, it could be plainly viewed that the demand for going to Australian universities for overseas students is much bigger than the locals within the span of ten years.
The two graphs illustrate the number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
which
is done
by
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local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and overseas
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students
in Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
from 2001 to 2010.

Commencing from 2001 in the
first
graph, there are approximately 11, 000 new international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their studies in Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
Subsequently
, the number continues rising
gradually
every
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year
and reaches 40, 000 in 2010. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
up half of the total of overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which includes the ones that already enrolled in the past years in 2010.
Besides
, the growth of the total foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a twofold increase in every five years.

In the second paragraph, the population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is around 600, 000 in 2010, while 200, 000 of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
program in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
However
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
has fluctuated over a ten-year period while the total of them has a gradual growth.

Overall
, it could be
plainly
viewed that the demand for going to Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
for overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is much bigger than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
within the span of ten years.
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IELTS academic The enrollments of students overseas and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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