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The diagrams provide information about the education level in Glasgow based on their age group and gender during the year2010.

The diagrams provide information about the education level in Glasgow based on their age group and gender during the year2010. VQyR6
The diagrams provide information about the education level in Glasgow based on their age group and gender during the year2010.  Overall, it is readily apparent from the charts that, compare to the older group, young people had college degree and men are more educated than women in Glasgow. Merely quarter percentage of elderly population obtained a degree and a significant portion in this group remained illiterate. However, when it comes to 50 to 75 age the degree holders numbers has raised moderately to half percent and 30 percent people does not had any educational qualification. Interestingly, figures for higher education, school certificate and no qualification was almost same in the young and middle age population and it consist of 71 percent, 20percent and 9 percent respectively. people between the age of 24to35 had higher proportion of degree holders. considering the gender difference, about31 percent of male obtained a college education, which is around 3 percent higher than their counterpart. In contrast 38 percent of females had no qualification and that is 3 percent higher the opposite gender. people in both sex obtained a percentage of  school education.
The diagrams provide information about the
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education
level in Glasgow based on their
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age
group and gender during the year2010.  
Overall
, it is
readily
apparent from the charts that, compare to the older group, young
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people
had college
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degree
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are more educated than women in Glasgow.
Merely
quarter percentage of elderly population obtained a
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degree
and a significant portion in this group remained illiterate.
However
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to 50 to 75
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age
the
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degree
holders numbers has raised
moderately
to half
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percent
and 30
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percent
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
does
not
The verb 'does' requires base form of the verb: "have"
had
any educational qualification.
Interestingly
, figures for higher
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education
, school certificate and no qualification was almost same in the young and middle
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age
population and it 
Did you mean "consists"?
consist
of 71
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percent
,
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20percent
and 9
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percent
respectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
between the
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age
of 24to35 had higher proportion of
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degree
holders.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
considering
the gender difference, about31
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percent
of male obtained a college
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education
, which is around 3
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percent
higher than their counterpart. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
contrast
38
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percent
of females had no qualification and
that is
3
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percent
higher the opposite gender.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
in both sex obtained a percentage of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
school
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education
.
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IELTS academic The diagrams provide information about the education level in Glasgow based on their age group and gender during the year2010.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
175 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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