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the diagram shows the stages in the production of yogurt

the diagram shows the stages in the production of yogurt rKRg6
The diagram illustrates the various stages in which yogurt is produced. In general, it can be seen that the yogurt-making process has four main steps, beginning with the raw materials being mixed together in a container, then treated at different temperatures, and ending with the ready yogurt being packed. At the first stage, the mix of stabilizers, dry milk, and sugar is poured into a sanitary stainless milk container made from steel. After this concoction has been heated to 85 degrees Celsius, it’s covered by a lid and then left to cool to 42 degrees Celsius. Following this homogenization process, the production enters the next stage of production, commonly known as fermentation. It’s at this stage that cultures are added to the vessel before the mixture is blended and kept at 7 degrees Celsius. Once the fermentation process is complete, the liquid is finally ready to be put into yogurt jars.
The diagram illustrates the various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
in which yogurt
is produced
.
In general
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the yogurt-making process has four main steps, beginning with the raw materials
being mixed
together in a container, then treated at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
temperatures, and ending with the ready yogurt
being packed
.

At the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
, the mix of stabilizers, dry milk, and sugar
is poured
into a sanitary stainless milk container made from steel. After this concoction has
been heated
to 85 degrees Celsius, it’s covered by a lid and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to cool to 42 degrees Celsius.

Following this homogenization process, the production enters the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
of production,
commonly
known as fermentation. It’s at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
that cultures are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the vessel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the mixture
is blended
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
at 7 degrees Celsius. Once the fermentation process is complete, the liquid is
finally
ready to
be put
into yogurt jars.
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IELTS academic the diagram shows the stages in the production of yogurt

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
151 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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