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Summarize the bar chart with highlights of a physical activity performed in 2010 by Australian people regularly

Summarize the bar chart with highlights of a physical activity performed in 2010 by Australian people regularly o8MJ9
The bar chart delineates the percentile of Australian males and females in specific age groups who used to perform physical activities on daily basis in 2010. Overall, it is deduced that highest proportion of females aged between 45 and 54 practised certain physical exercises, whereas men aged 15-24 gave highest preference to the same. At first glance, it is interpreted that 52% 15 to 24 year old males were interested in exercise which was 5% more than proportion of female participation of the same age. It was followed by 25-34 year old age group, where men and women participation was 42% and 48% respectively. The percentage of males declined steadily to 39. 5% and for women, it elevated tremendously to 52% in reference to 35-44 year old age group. Moving further, in context to 45-54 year olds, male and female proportion had a difference of 10%. Surprisingly, 45% of 55-64 year old men liked to go for a physical activity which climbed up to 46 % in case of 65 year olds and over. However, just 47% of old aged women were interested to perform regular exercise.
The bar chart delineates the percentile of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to perform physical activities on daily basis in 2010.
Overall
, it
is deduced
that highest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
aged between 45 and 54
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
certain physical exercises, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
aged 15-24 gave
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
preference to the same. At
first
glance, it
is interpreted
that 52% 15 to 24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
were interested
in exercise which was 5% more than proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
participation of the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. It
was followed
by 25-34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women participation was 42% and 48%
respectively
. The percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
declined
steadily
to 39. 5% and for women, it elevated
tremendously
to 52% in reference to 35-44
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group. Moving
further
, in context to 45-54
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
olds, male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
proportion had a difference of 10%.
Surprisingly
, 45% of 55-64
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
liked to go for a physical activity which climbed up to 46 % in case of 65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
olds and over.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
47% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
aged women
were interested
to perform regular exercise.
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IELTS academic Summarize the bar chart with highlights of a physical activity performed in 2010 by Australian people regularly

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
187 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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