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The diagram shows the lifecycle of honeybee.

The diagram shows the lifecycle of honeybee. e3y7W
The flow chart illustrates the development of a honeybee from egg during its life cycle. Overall, it is clear that there are three distinct stages demonstrated in the process, commencing with laying eggs and ending with the development of a mature bee. The first stage is when the legs are layed by the female bees. As well as, this action is repeated in every three days. Before hatching, bees develop in the eggs, so it takes 9-10 days. Eventually, after hatching, the period of little bee starts, and so as to mature bee moults its nymph three times. The first is after hatching and second one is in the 23 days of honeybee's life. At this point of the cycle, the size of honeybee becomes much bigger, but looking and shape of bee do not have striking resemblance with first its 15 days of life. Gradually, in the third hatching stage, young adult honeybee appears. In this step, compared to the one stage before, honeybee has black lines and antennas. Moreover, honeybee's colour is much more light. Finally, after four days, honeybee is fully mature. Having completed all this steps, the life cycle then begins again.
The flow chart illustrates the development of a honeybee from egg during its life cycle.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there are three distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
demonstrated in the process, commencing with laying eggs and ending with the development of a mature bee.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
is when the legs are
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "laid", the past tense form of the verb 'lay'?
layed
by the female bees.
As well
as, this action
is repeated
in every three days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
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hatching
, bees develop in the eggs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it takes 9-10 days.
Eventually
, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hatching
, the period of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
bee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
, and
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
mature bee
Possible spelling mistake found.
moults
its nymph three times. The
first
is after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hatching
and second one is in the 23 days of honeybee's life. At this point of the cycle, the size of honeybee becomes much bigger,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
looking and shape of bee do not have striking resemblance with
first
its 15 days of life.

Gradually
, in the third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hatching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
, young adult honeybee appears. In this step, compared to the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, honeybee has black lines and antennas.
Moreover
, honeybee's
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
is much more light.
Finally
, after four days, honeybee is
fully
mature. Having completed all this steps, the life cycle then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
again.

IELTS academic The diagram shows the lifecycle of honeybee.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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