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The diagram portrays the procedure of fabricating milk.

The diagram portrays the procedure of fabricating milk. GJLMw

The diagram portrays the procedure of fabricating milk. Overall, the process consists of 7 stages beginning with cows grazing and culminating in milk being sold in supermarkets and shops. In the beginning, the cows feast on fresh grass for producing milk. Fed cows are then stand in a barn with the appropriate milking machine that helps to gather milk while they lactate. After the milk is pumped it enters a refrigeration to keep it fresh. Latter is followed by a milk tanker being filled from the storage and delivering it to a Dairy factory. When the truck arrives at the Dairy milk is poured into the multiple large tanks. Then it is distributed for further processing into various dairy products such as cheese, cream and butter. In the subsequent stages milk is pasteurized and packaged in the assembly line. Finally, the ready product is delivered to the shelves of the supermarkets and the shops for customers liking.

The diagram portrays the procedure of fabricating You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
. Overall
, the process consists of 7 stages beginning with cows grazing and culminating in You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
being sold
 in supermarkets and shops.

In the beginning, the cows feast on fresh grass for producing You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
. Fed cows are then stand in a barn with the appropriate milking machine that This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :assists
helps
 to gather You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
 while they lactate. “After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
 the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
is pumped
 it enters a refrigeration to This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :retain
keep
 it fresh. Latter is followed
 by a You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
 tanker being filled
 from the storage and delivering it to a Dairy factory. “When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
 the truck arrives at the Dairy You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
is poured
 into the multiple large tanks. Then it is distributed
 for further
 processing into various dairy products such as cheese, cream and butter.

In the subsequent stages You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcreambuttermilkhalf-and-half
milk
is pasteurized
 and packaged in the assembly line. Finally
, the ready product is delivered
 to the shelves of the supermarkets and the shops for customers liking. 

IELTS academic The diagram portrays the procedure of fabricating milk.

Academic

American English

3 paragraphs

157 words

6.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
?
Include an introduction and conclusion
?
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
?
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.0

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 5.5

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
?
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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