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population in Asstralian and other coutries

population in Asstralian and other coutries Ed79x
The two diagrams show different information between Australia's population and other nationalities and some places. Overall, while Australia is the highest population, Dutch is the latest. Regarding about nation, Australia is also at the top, followed by the Dutch, British, New Zealanders; in the end, the Chinese is the national ranking at the last position. As shown in the pie chart, Australia is the most population, 73%. Next, the other is 14%, which is twice as large as the British, at 7%. Then, finally, the remaining part of the pie chart, namely New Zealander, Chinese, and Dutch, is responsible for 3%, 2%, and 1%, respectively. In terms of the table, about the countryside, Australian 20-fold is as large as Chinese and has the most countryside, 20%, which is followed by the Dutch, British and New Zealander at 17%, 11%, and 10%, respectively. About the city, all of the figures of these nations are over 80%, but Chinese have the most cities, at 99%.
The two diagrams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
information between Australia's population and other nationalities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places.

Overall
, while Australia is the highest population, Dutch is the latest. Regarding about nation, Australia is
also
at the top, followed by the Dutch, British, New Zealanders; in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, the Chinese is the national ranking at the last position.

As shown in the pie chart, Australia is the most population, 73%.
Next
, the other is 14%, which is twice as large as the British, at 7%. Then,
finally
, the remaining part of the pie chart,
namely
New
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zealander
, Chinese, and Dutch, is responsible for 3%, 2%, and 1%,
respectively
.

In terms of the table, about the countryside, Australian 20-fold is as large as Chinese and has the most countryside, 20%, which
is followed
by the Dutch, British and New
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zealander
at 17%, 11%, and 10%,
respectively
. About the city,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
figures of these nations are over 80%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Chinese have the most cities, at 99%.
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IELTS academic population in Asstralian and other coutries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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