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The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey.

The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey. OA2j
The provided diagram clearly depicts the various stages in the production of honey. Overall, it is noticeable that there are 7 consecutive steps to manufacture the product as explained follows: At the onset, the bees have to build the hive in which a container of their colony. After that, the bees leave the hive in order to look at the suitable flower and then it collects the nectar which is a sweet liquid produced by flowers. From this, the bees bring nectar to their hive and the process of producing honey will begin. At the next stage of the procedures, the liquid that collected by the bees is put into the cells. Following that the bees fan the nectar-filled cells with their wings due to the fact that the nectar have to cool down. The nectar has subsequently change form from water to be gas then finally, the honey is produced.
The provided diagram
clearly
depicts the various stages in the production of honey.
Overall
, it is noticeable that there are 7 consecutive steps to manufacture the product as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
follows:

At the onset, the bees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
build the hive in which a container of their colony. After that, the bees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the hive in order to look at the suitable flower and then it collects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
which is a sweet liquid produced by flowers. From this, the bees bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
to their hive and the process of producing honey will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
.

At the
next
stage of the procedures, the liquid that collected by the bees
is put
into the cells. Following that the bees fan the nectar-filled cells with their wings due to the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cool down. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
has
subsequently
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "changed".
change
form from water to be gas then
finally
, the honey
is produced
.

IELTS academic The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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