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The diagram demonstrates the process of desalination and how the water from sea can turn into the suitable water that people can drink.

The diagram demonstrates the process of desalination and how the water from sea can turn into the suitable water that people can drink. ggeA
The diagram demonstrates the process of desalination and how the water from sea can turn into the suitable water that people can drink. First of all, the saltwater is taken from the sea and passed through the pre-treatment filter which at this stage big impurities are removed. Besides, the filter backwash is piped into the sea. Subsequently, the water is forced through membrane at high pressure that all impurities even salt are gotten stuck within the filter. It should be noted that in this step the seawater concentrate is returned into the sea. After that, some substances such as lime, chlorine and fluoride are added to the water to make it appropriate for drinking. Afterwards, the water is supplied and finally it is piped into the integrated water supply system to be used by people. To sum up, the water of sea should be passed through some filters and treated by some materials to be healthy for people.
The diagram demonstrates the process of desalination and how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
can turn into the suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can drink.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the saltwater
is taken
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
and passed through the pre-treatment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
filter
which at this stage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
impurities
are removed
.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
filter
backwash
is piped
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
.
Subsequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is forced
through membrane at high pressure that all impurities even salt
are gotten
stuck within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
filter
. It should
be noted
that in this step the seawater concentrate
is returned
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
. After that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
substances such as lime, chlorine and fluoride are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it appropriate for drinking. Afterwards, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is supplied
and
finally
it
is piped
into the integrated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
supply system to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
should
be passed
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
filters
and treated by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
materials to be healthy for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

IELTS academic The diagram demonstrates the process of desalination and how the water from sea can turn into the suitable water that people can drink.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
158 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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