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The diagram demonstrates different industries percentage such as finance, food processing manufacturing, tourism and oil, coal, gas of economy in Brazil in given period of time (2009, 2019 and a prediction for 2029).

The diagram demonstrates different industries percentage such as finance, food processing manufacturing, tourism and oil, coal, gas of economy in Brazil in given period of time (2009, 2019 and a prediction for 2029). nKpg
The diagram demonstrates different industries percentage such as finance, food processing manufacturing, tourism and oil, coal, gas of economy in Brazil in given period of time (2009, 2019 and a prediction for 2029). Overall, the biggest proportion had finance among all industries and the biggest one will have in the future according to the forecast. Food processing showed the smallest percentage of all given industries in 2009. Manufacturing represented the smallest percentage share in 2019 and it might be the smallest one by 2029.
The diagram demonstrates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "industries'" or "industry's"?
industries
percentage such as finance, food processing manufacturing, tourism and oil, coal, gas of economy in Brazil in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of time (2009, 2019 and a prediction for 2029).

Overall
, the biggest proportion had finance among all industries and the biggest one will have in the future according to the forecast. Food processing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the smallest percentage of all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
industries in 2009. Manufacturing represented the smallest percentage share in 2019 and it might be the smallest one by 2029.

IELTS academic The diagram demonstrates different industries percentage such as finance, food processing manufacturing, tourism and oil, coal, gas of economy in Brazil in given period of time (2009, 2019 and a prediction for 2029).

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
84 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 6.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 6.5
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