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daily intake of various nutrients the average person in usa consumes in each meal

daily intake of various nutrients the average person in usa consumes in each meal 3red
The given bar graphs provide information about the daily consumption of different nutrients by an average person in USA in each meal as well as snacks. Overconsumption of any might be harmful for health. The calibration of the data is done in percentage. Overall, the maximum consumption of the three nutrients occurred during dinner, with sodium holding the greatest share. To begin with, the intake of sodium stood at 43% for dinner and 37 per cent for saturated fats, with added sugar holding the least share of just 23 per cent. On the other hand, added sugar was consumed in the largest proportion in the form of snacks with 42%. Sodium and saturated fat accounted for just 14 and 21 percent in snacks, respectively. Both saturated fats and added sugar hold a mutual share of 16% for breakfast, while sodium contributes for the same percentage in breakfast as it did in snacks. Lunch meal consists mainly of sodium and saturated fat with 29 and 26 per cent respectively. On the contrary added sugar accounts for just 19 per cent during lunch.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graphs provide information about the daily consumption of
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different
nutrients by an average person
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
in each meal
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
. Overconsumption of any might be harmful for health. The calibration of the data
is done
in percentage.

Overall
, the maximum consumption of the three nutrients occurred during dinner, with sodium holding the greatest share.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the intake of sodium stood at 43% for dinner and 37 per cent for
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saturated
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fats
, with
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added
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sugar
holding the least share of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
23 per cent.
On the other hand
,
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added
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sugar
was consumed
in the largest proportion in the form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
with 42%. Sodium and
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saturated
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fat
accounted for
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just
14 and 21 percent in
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snacks
,
respectively
.

Both
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saturated
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fats
and
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added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
hold a mutual share of 16% for breakfast, while sodium contributes for the same percentage in breakfast as it did in
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "snack"?
snacks
. Lunch meal consists
mainly
of sodium and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
with 29 and 26 per cent
respectively
.
On the contrary
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added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
accounts for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
19 per cent during lunch.
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IELTS academic daily intake of various nutrients the average person in usa consumes in each meal

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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