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The diagram below shows time spent watching TV by age and gender in the UK in 1995 and 9099

The bar graph depicts the information about the time spent by all the genders of different ages in America from 1995 to 1999. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that people under the age groups of 15 spent less time in watching TV where the aged society spent more time in front of TV. It is clearly seen from the graph that are both males and females between 4 to 15 watched TV for around 17 hours in 1995 and 1999. In case of 16-24 age group male showed the similar pattern in both the years where hours spent by women on watching TV soared 20 hours in 1995 and 23 hours in 1999. The age groups of 25 to 34 and 35 to 44 showed the similar fashion. In addition, in case of 45 -54 year older the time spent by both the males and females was in thr range of 23 -27 hours. however, noticeable changes were seen in the age group of 55 to 64 in which men spent nearly same hours in both the years and woman spent around 31 hours in 1995 and 32 hours in 1999. At last people above 65 spent their most of the time nearly 35 hours in watching TV.
The bar graph depicts the information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
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spent
by all the genders of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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ages
in America from 1995 to 1999. Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is
readily
apparent that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
under the
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age
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groups
of 15
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spent
less
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time
in watching TV where the aged society
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spent
more
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time
in front of TV. It is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that are both males and females
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 4 and 15".
between 4 to 15
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
TV for around 17
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hours
in 1995 and 1999. In case of 16-24
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age
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group
male
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the similar pattern in both the
It is better to use 'years' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "years when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
years where
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hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
by women on watching TV soared 20
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hours
in 1995 and 23
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hours
in 1999. The
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age
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groups
of 25 to 34 and 35 to 44
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the similar fashion.
In addition
, in case of 45 -54 year older the
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time
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spent
by both the males and females was in
Possible spelling mistake found.
thr
range of 23 -27
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hours
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, noticeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
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age
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group
of 55 to 64 in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
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spent
nearly
same
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hours
in both the years and woman
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spent
around 31
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hours
in 1995 and 32
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hours
in 1999. At last
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
above 65
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spent
their most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
nearly
35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in watching TV.

IELTS academic The diagram below shows time spent watching TV by age and gender in the UK in 1995 and 9099

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
212 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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