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the diagram below shows the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth

the diagram below shows the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth jRbE8
The first diagram depicts the different stages in the life cycle of the silk worm. The second set of diagrams depicts the processes involved in the production of silk cloth from this cocoon. The moth lays eggs on the mulberry leaves and within ten days the eggs hatch into silkworm larva. The larva feeds on mulberry leaves and within 4 to 6 weeks, it starts weaving the silk thread. In three to eight days, this thread encases its body and forms a cocoon. The cocoon evolves into the moth in 16 days and the cycle starts again. In order to produce silk cloth, the cocoons are boiled in hot water and the threads are unwound. The threads could be of 300 to 900 meters in length. Some of these threads are twisted and subjected to dye, while others are woven into silk cloth. Both are now ready for the market.
The
first
diagram depicts the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages in the life cycle of the
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silk
worm. The second set of diagrams depicts the processes involved in the production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silk
cloth from this cocoon.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
moth lays eggs on the mulberry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and within ten days the eggs hatch into silkworm larva.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
larva feeds on mulberry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and within 4 to 6 weeks, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
weaving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thread
. In three to eight days, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thread
encases its body and forms a cocoon. The cocoon evolves into the moth in 16 days and the cycle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
again.

In order to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silk
cloth, the cocoons
are boiled
in hot water and the threads are unwound. The threads could be of 300 to 900 meters in length.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these threads
are twisted
and subjected to dye, while others
are woven
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
silk
cloth. Both are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
ready for the market.

IELTS academic the diagram below shows the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
150 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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