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The diagram below shows the life cycle of a specie of large fish called salmon.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of a specie of large fish called salmon. GMNyg
The diagram illustrate the stages of development of a specie of fish called salmon. Overall, it can be seen that a salmon grows in three stages, beginning with almond eggs and ending with adult salmon. Also, the development is completed after five years. To begin, the adult salmon lays eggs under stones of reeds in the upper river which is slow flowing. However, they stay there for approximately 5_6 months before leaving the upper river as fry which is usually 3-8 cm in length. Going forward, the fry move directly to the lover river which is always fast flowing. They remain there for approximately 4years from which they develop into the smolt. These measures 12-15cm in length and that marks the end of the second stage. Finally, the smolt move to the open sea where they stay for approximately 5years. This is the habitat of the adult salmon which is 70-76 cm long. After the specified years they move to the upper river to lay their eggs and the cycle continues.
The diagram
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "illustrates".
illustrate
the stages of development of a specie of fish called salmon.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that a salmon grows in three stages, beginning with almond eggs and ending with adult salmon.
Also
, the development
is completed
after five years.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, the adult salmon lays eggs under stones of reeds in the upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
which is slow flowing.
However
, they stay there for approximately 5_6 months
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
leaving the upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
as fry which is
usually
3-8 cm in length. Going forward, the fry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
directly
to the lover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
which is always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
flowing. They remain there for approximately 4years from which they develop into the
Possible spelling mistake found.
smolt
. These measures 12
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "-15 cm"
-15cm
in length and that marks the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the second stage.

Finally
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
smolt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the open sea where they stay for approximately 5years. This is the habitat of the adult salmon which is 70-76 cm long. After the specified years they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
to lay their eggs and the cycle continues.
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IELTS academic The diagram below shows the life cycle of a specie of large fish called salmon.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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