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The diagram below shows the history of a bakery business, Bobby’s Bakehouse, between 1930 and 1970. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the growth and development of Bobby’s Bakehouse

The diagram below shows the history of a bakery business, Bobby’s Bakehouse, between 1930 and 1970. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the growth and development of Bobby’s Bakehouse 95bl7
This illustration describes the growth of Bobby's Bakehouse from where it started 1930 to how it expanded until 1970. Bobby's bakehouse started as a small bakery in the corner of a lively neighborhood. Available were some freshly baked goods namely, various kinds of bread, and some simple cakes. After some time the small corner store became more popular and Bobby decided to expand his business in 1938 by moving to a larger location. In order to manage the larger location and cliental, he invested in equipment to help him produce higher quantities as well as more varieties of baked goods. He now sold various kinds of breads, cakes, and muffins. Then, in 1943, with a growing need in the market for more healthy options, Bobby decided to further expand his business by purchasing more advanced equipment. Furthermore, he invested in technology to help manage tasks more easily and he did some thorough research into health and nutrition to supply products for the more health conscious individuals. The store now sold all sorts of breads, cakes, muffins, as well as tarts, including some gluten free options. This was such a success that the owner built storage and distribution facilities on an empty piece of land a block away from the store and now supplied numerous varieties of breads, cakes, muffins, tarts, biscuits, and pies. Finally in 1970, the Bobby's bakehouse became a franchise with international branches in countries including major cities in Britain and the United States. To date there are a total of 16 bakehouses across the globe.
This illustration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the growth of Bobby's Bakehouse from where it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
1930 to how it expanded until 1970.

Bobby's bakehouse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
bakery in the corner of a lively neighborhood. Available were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
freshly
baked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
namely
, various kinds of bread, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cakes
. After
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
corner store became more popular and Bobby decided to expand his business in 1938 by moving to a larger location. In order to manage the larger location and
Possible spelling mistake found.
cliental
, he invested in equipment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him produce higher quantities
as well
as more varieties of baked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
sold various kinds of breads,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cakes
, and muffins.

Then, in 1943, with a growing need in the market for more healthy options, Bobby decided to
further
expand his business by purchasing more advanced equipment.
Furthermore
, he invested in technology to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
manage tasks more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easily and
he did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
thorough research into health and nutrition to supply products for the more health conscious individuals. The store
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
sold all sorts of breads,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cakes
, muffins,
as well
as tarts, including
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
gluten free options. This was such a success that the owner built storage and distribution facilities on an empty piece of land a block away from the store and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
supplied numerous varieties of breads,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cakes
, muffins, tarts, biscuits, and pies.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
in 1970, the Bobby's bakehouse became a franchise with international branches in countries including major cities in Britain and the United States. To date there are a total of 16
Possible spelling mistake found.
bakehouses
across the globe.
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IELTS academic The diagram below shows the history of a bakery business, Bobby’s Bakehouse, between 1930 and 1970. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the growth and development of Bobby’s Bakehouse

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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