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The diagram below shows information about quartely profit for three companies of united states from 2005 to 2007. v.2

The diagram below shows information about quartely profit for three companies of united states from 2005 to 2007. v. 2
The given line graph provides information on billions of dollars earned per quarter by microsoft, IBM and Apple from 2005 to 2007. Firstly, Microsoft earned nearly USD 2. 8 Billion inQ1 2005 followed by a steady rise till second quarter of 2006 and the income reached to 3. 5 billion. It fluctuated for the next four quarters and then rose sharply to reach the high of 4. 2 billionin Q3 07 followed by a slight dip to 3. 8 billion in Q4 07. Secondly, IBM revenues stood lowest at 0. 5 billion. However, it increased and remained range boundaround 1 billion for the next four quarters. Then it showed phenomenal jump to 3 billion in Q2 06 follwed by a sharp fall to 1. 8 billion. After staying in the same range for the next three quarters, it again shot up to the peak of 3. 5 billion in Q2 07. In the end, it fluctuated and closed at 2. 5 in Q4 07. Thirdly, apple started at 0. 7 billion and grew steadily to reach 2. 5 billion inQ1 07 and then showed smart jumps in the following quarters and reached to the highest at 3. 9 billion. Finally, all the companies witnessed rise in their profits, however apple was an obvious outerperformer over its peers in the graph.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph provides information on
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billions
of dollars earned per
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quarter
by
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microsoft
, IBM and Apple from 2005 to 2007.

Firstly
, Microsoft earned
nearly
USD 2. 8
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Billion
inQ1 2005 followed by a steady rise till second
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quarter
of 2006 and the income reached to 3. 5
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billion
. It fluctuated for the
next
four
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quarters
and then rose
sharply
to reach the high of 4. 2
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billionin
Q3 07 followed by a slight dip to 3. 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
in Q4 07.

Secondly
, IBM revenues stood lowest at 0. 5
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billion
.
However
, it increased and remained range
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boundaround
1
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billion
for the
next
four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarters
. Then it
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showed
phenomenal jump to 3
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billion
in Q2 06
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follwed
by a sharp fall to 1. 8
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billion
. After staying in the same range for the
next
three
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quarters
, it again shot up to the peak of 3. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
in Q2 07. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it fluctuated and closed at 2. 5 in Q4 07.

Thirdly
, apple
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started
at 0. 7
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billion
and grew
steadily
to reach 2. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
inQ1 07 and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
smart jumps in the following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarters
and reached to the highest at 3. 9 billion.

Finally
, all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
witnessed rise in their profits,
however
apple was an obvious
Possible spelling mistake found.
outerperformer
over its peers in the graph.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic The diagram below shows information about quartely profit for three companies of united states from 2005 to 2007. v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
220 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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