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the diagram below shows a simple device for changing sea water to drinking water

the diagram below shows a simple device for changing sea water to drinking water X7kqO
The diagram depicts a technique for converting sea water to water drink by separating salt and other weird particles from seawater. It can be observed to produce drinkable water, saltwater go through a process that involves phases such as evaporation and condensation. First of all, a floating container is placed on the surface of the sea. This equipment includes a large container, a transparent glass lid, a rubber tube, and a water collection. The basic apparatus generates fresh water. Sea water enters the large container through a little hole on the bottom. The process begins when sunshine shines through the glass cover and heats up sea water, causing it to evaporate and condense. The water vapor adheres to the inside of the cover glass, and the amount of distillated water falls down to the little container that surrounds the large container. It comes into contact with the rubber tubing that links to the container with distillated water. The freshwater in the container is drinkable
The diagram depicts a technique for converting
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sea
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water
to
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water
drink by separating salt and other weird particles from seawater.

It can
be observed
to produce drinkable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, saltwater go through a process that involves phases such as evaporation and condensation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a floating
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container
is placed
on the surface of the
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sea
. This equipment includes a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
container
, a transparent glass lid, a rubber tube, and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
collection. The basic apparatus generates fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
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Sea
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water
enters the large
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container
through a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
hole on the bottom. The process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
when sunshine shines through the glass cover and heats up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
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water
, causing it to evaporate and condense.

The
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water
vapor adheres to the inside of the cover glass, and the amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
distillated
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water
falls down to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
container
that surrounds the large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
container
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
into contact with the rubber tubing that links to the
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container
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
distillated
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water
. The freshwater in the
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container
is
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drinkable
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IELTS academic the diagram below shows a simple device for changing sea water to drinking water

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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