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Describe the development of a camera

Describe the development of a camera rbnDN
The diagram describes how a camera developed over 161 years. Face on and edge-on views are illustrated. Overall, despite being more modern and complex throughout the years, the camera still have had a lens on the front of it. The earliest camera, the Daguerreotype, was invented in 1839. It was mainly made of wood and is in the shape of a cuboid. The Daguerreotype was 36 centimetres in width. The lens at the front of it was made of brass. Compared to the first model, the second one, which was Kodak No. 1 was fairly smaller in size. It was only half as long as Daguerreotype. Unlike the first camera, the second one was mainly made of metal. However, the lens was still placed on the front and the buttons were designed to be on the top of the camera. Leica 1 first appeared in 1925. It was slightly smaller than the second camera but it was still made of metal. The shape of it was now flatter and the buttons on the top became bigger. Finally, the digital camera was introduced in 2000. It was much tinier and defined compared to the previous models. People not only changed the materials into plastic but also added to it a variety of new features. It had an internet connection, a zoom lens and even an LCD screen on the back.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
how a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
developed over 161 years. Face on and edge-on views
are illustrated
.

Overall
, despite being more modern and complex throughout the years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
still
have had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lens
on the front of it.

The earliest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
, the Daguerreotype,
was invented
in 1839. It was
mainly
made of wood and is in the shape of a cuboid. The Daguerreotype was 36
Possible spelling mistake. 'centimetres' is British English.
centimetres
in width. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lens
at the front of it
was made
of brass. Compared to the
first
model, the second one, which was Kodak No. 1 was
fairly
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
smaller in size
. It was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
half as long as Daguerreotype. Unlike the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
, the second one was
mainly
made of metal.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lens
was
still
placed on the front and the buttons
were designed
to be on the top of the camera.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Leica
1
first
appeared in 1925. It was
slightly
smaller than the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was
still
made of metal. The shape of it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
flatter and the buttons on the top became bigger.
Finally
, the digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
was introduced
in 2000. It was much tinier and defined compared to the previous models.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the materials into plastic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to it a variety of new features. It had an internet connection, a zoom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lens
and even an LCD screen on the back.
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IELTS academic Describe the development of a camera

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
229 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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