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the diagram below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon.

The diagram illustrates the life cycle of salmon, a large species of fish. Overall, the salmon goes through four major stages in life. Beginning with the upper river with salmon eggs and ending up up with the open sea. Adult salmon lay eggs on small stones and reeds in the upper river where water is slow-moving. In about five to six months, the eggs hatch and baby salmon come out. There are only 3 to 8 centimeters long in this stage. From the upper river baby salmon which is called frys, move to the fast-moving lower river where they live approximately 4 years. By this time, they have become s smolts with a length of 12 to 15 centimeters and then they migrate to the open sea where they live approximately 5 years. Finally, adult salmon which measures 70 to 76 cm in length return to the upper river where they were born and lay eggs to start the process all over again.
The diagram illustrates the life cycle of salmon, a large species of fish.
Overall
, the salmon goes through four major stages in life. Beginning with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
with salmon eggs and ending
Possible typo: you repeated a word
up up
with the open sea. Adult salmon lay eggs on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
stones and reeds in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
where water is slow-moving. In about five to six months, the eggs hatch and baby salmon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out. There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3 to 8 centimeters long in this stage. From the
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upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
baby salmon which
is called
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "fry", the plural form of the noun 'fry'?
frys
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-moving lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
approximately 4 years. By this time, they have become s
Possible spelling mistake found.
smolts
with a length of 12 to 15
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
centimeters and
then they migrate to the open sea where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
approximately 5 years.
Finally
, adult salmon which measures 70 to 76 cm in length return to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
where they
were born
and lay eggs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the process all over again.
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IELTS academic the diagram below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
163 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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