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the graphs below shows number of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sector of the republic of Freedonia.

The graphs provides static data about person who work in particular field of business in 1975 and 1995. The vertical and horizontal axis respectively give information about sector of the republic of Freedonia, and the number of workers. At first, according to dotted graphs, participation of women in most of sectors has significantly increased. However, the amount of both sex in manufacturing and public sector has remained unchanged. There was a dramatically rise in women`s attendance in 1995 compered to 1975. That is to say, the number of female employment in communication sector in 1975was approximately 270000 but it has improved to more than 500000 in 1995, though the amount of men has maintained the same level. Needless to say, this improving trend repeated in Finance, Retain trade and public sector. All in all, according to graphs, female workers experience an increasing pattern. however, for the men there was no noticeable changes.
The graphs
You should probably use "provide".
provides
static data about person who work
in particular
field of business in 1975 and 1995. The vertical and horizontal axis
respectively
give information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
of the republic of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Freedonia
, and the number of workers. At
first
, according to dotted graphs, participation of women in most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
has
significantly
increased.
However
, the amount of both sex in manufacturing and public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
has remained unchanged. There was a
You used an adverb ('dramatically') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('rise') instead of another adjective.
dramatically rise
in
The character between 'women' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "women’s" (curly apostrophe) or "women's" (straight apostrophe).
women`s
attendance in 1995
Did you mean the verb "compared" or the noun "compèred" (master of ceremonies)?
compered
to 1975.
That is
to say, the number of female employment in communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in 1975was approximately 270000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
to more than 500000 in 1995, though the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
has maintained the same level. Needless to say, this improving trend repeated in Finance, Retain trade and public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. All in all, according to graphs, female workers experience an increasing pattern.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
there was no noticeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
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IELTS academic the graphs below shows number of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sector of the republic of Freedonia.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
152 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • the graphs below shows number of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sector of the republic of Freedonia.