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the diagram about the process of acid rains

the diagram about the process of acid rains NrkkW
The diagram gives the information about how carbon dioxide produced from our industry affect the environment via its acid rain. Overall, two of three carbon come from human made that continue its process in the clouds to be an acid rain that harmful to the world To begin with the substance of this process, Carbon dioxide comes from the production of releasing volcanoes, the factories and the vehicle exhausts. Not only carbon, Nitrogen dioxide and Suphur from the same origin as carbon dioxide also take the major role to make a harmful rain by having some reaction together and form the final outcome, acid rains. After all the creation, the combined product is precipitated and going to be the rain pouring to the ground. Acid rains cause many destruction to the environment and stay in the system by the wet deposition in the water like river, ocean and also being dry deposited in the ground. This is the final result of how the whole environment is affected by the carbon dioxide we make.
The diagram gives the information about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carbon
dioxide produced from our industry affect the environment via its acid
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rain
.
Overall
, two of three
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carbon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from human made that continue its process in the clouds to be an acid
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rain
that harmful to the world

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the substance of this process,
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Carbon
dioxide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the production of releasing volcanoes, the factories and the vehicle exhausts. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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carbon
, Nitrogen dioxide and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Suphur
from the same origin as
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carbon
dioxide
also
take the major role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rain
by having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reaction together and form the final outcome, acid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rains
.
After all
the creation, the combined product
is precipitated
and going to be the
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rain
pouring to the ground.

Acid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rains
cause
Possible agreement error. The noun destruction seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much destruction", "a good deal of destruction".
many destruction
to the environment and stay in the system by the wet deposition in the water like river, ocean and
also
being dry deposited in the ground. This is the final result of how the whole environment is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carbon
dioxide we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
.
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IELTS academic the diagram about the process of acid rains

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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