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The computer ownership population and education

The computer ownership population and education yGker
The two bar charts illustrate how the computer ownership distributed the percentage of the population from 2002 to 2010, as well as, by education level in the year of 2002 and 2010. It is clear in the first bar chart that computer ownership population was consistent raised, especially, the percentage increased about 30% from 2002 to 2010. In more detail, the no high school qualification was only 15% in 2002 which was the lowerest percentage of eduction level compared with 2010 by 45%. In the 2010 the college, bachelor and postgraduate these educational of computer ownership were slowly raised by 15% in between them. However, we could see the postgraduate obviously almost reached to 100% in 2010. On the other hand, the 2002 year all the eduction level of computer ownership were steady growing up comparing to 2010.
The two bar charts illustrate how the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
distributed the percentage of the population from 2002 to 2010,
as well
as, by education level in the year of 2002 and 2010. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
in the
first
bar chart that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
population was consistent raised,
especially
, the percentage increased about 30% from 2002 to 2010. In more detail, the no high school qualification was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15% in 2002 which was the
Possible spelling mistake found.
lowerest
percentage of
Possible spelling mistake found.
eduction
level compared with 2010 by 45%. In the 2010 the college, bachelor and postgraduate these educational of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
were
slowly
raised by 15% in between them.
However
, we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the postgraduate
obviously
almost reached to 100% in 2010.
On the other hand
, the 2002 year all the
Possible spelling mistake found.
eduction
level of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
were steady growing up comparing to 2010.

IELTS academic The computer ownership population and education

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
138 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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