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The circular chart illustrates the information about water consumption for residential, industry and agriculture in San Diego, California and in worldwide.

The circular chart illustrates the information about water consumption for residential, industry and agriculture in San Diego, California and in worldwide. R5KXV
Overall, it can be vividly manifested that the highest water utilization in worldwide in agriculture field. Whereas, opposite trend followed by others. In detail, in San Diego nation mammoth water consumption notice in residential field which, was more than half while, for industry and agriculture 17% to 20% respectively. Apart from this, in California 39% water usage manifested in residential fields. However, a large decline seen in the agriculture field. It was more than twenty percent and, 33% water used by California for industry. Moving to the rest of data, 69% water employment comprised in agriculture. Whilst a dramatic decrease noticed in the industry there had been merely less than quarter(23%). Nevertheless, lastly sharply went down noticed in industrial field. It was barely 8%.
Overall
, it can be
vividly
manifested that the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
utilization in worldwide in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, opposite trend followed by others. In detail, in San Diego nation mammoth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption notice in residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
which, was more than half while, for industry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
17% to 20%
respectively
. Apart from this, in California 39%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
usage manifested in residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
However
, a large decline
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. It was more than twenty percent and, 33%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by California for industry. Moving to the rest of data, 69%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
employment comprised in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
. Whilst a dramatic decrease noticed in the industry there had been
merely
less than quarter(23%).
Nevertheless
,
lastly
sharply
went down noticed in industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. It was
barely
8%.

IELTS academic The circular chart illustrates the information about water consumption for residential, industry and agriculture in San Diego, California and in worldwide.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
124 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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