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Recent changes of an island after constructions of tourist facilities

Recent changes of an island after constructions of tourist facilities 9a3b3
The two maps show what happened in the island between before and after the construction of tourist facilities. Overall, it can be seen that before, the island was green with lots of trees but today it becomes much more industrial with restaurant and accommodations. First of all, the interesting changes which have been big improvements are that new restaurant and reception have been built in the centre of the island. Also new vehicle track has been built to connect the restaurant, reception and port. On each side of reception, many accommodations have been constructed to rest. Another striking change is that a new pier has been introduced in the south of the island. If we look at the shore area, a range of tourist facilities have been added such as swimming and sailing.
The two maps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
what happened in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
island
between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after the construction of tourist facilities.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
island
was green with lots of trees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
it becomes much more industrial with restaurant and accommodations.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the interesting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
which have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
improvements are that new restaurant and reception have
been built
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
island
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
new vehicle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
has
been built
to connect the restaurant, reception and port. On each side of reception,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
accommodations have
been constructed
to rest.

Another striking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is that a new pier has
been introduced
in the south of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
island
. If we look at the shore area, a range of tourist facilities have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
such as swimming and sailing.
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IELTS academic Recent changes of an island after constructions of tourist facilities

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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