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The charts show the work patterns for employees for four industry

The charts show the work patterns for employees for four industry eE927
The given pie charts illustrate how many proportions of workers work in catering, retail, transport, and finance industry. Overall, what stands out from the pie is that the percentage of group people work on the day is most-chosen than other shifts in four industries. It is evident that just under a third of workers in the catering industry work during the evening and slightly over two-fifths work in the day. By comparison in the rate of workers in the catering industry works on the weekend (35%) is almost 5% higher than in the retail industry. Meanwhile, a little under half of the retail workers work during the day, and only a minority work at night. In terms of the transport industry, the proportion of workers who works on the night shift (33%) is 6% lower than the day shift. Meanwhile, well over four-fifths of workers are employed to work the day shifts in the finance industry. By contrast, a few workers are employed to work at the weekend, night, and evening shifts.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrate how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
proportions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in catering, retail, transport, and finance industry.

Overall
, what stands out from the pie is that the percentage of group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on the day is most-chosen than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shifts
in four industries.

It is evident that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under a third of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in the catering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during the evening and
slightly
over two-fifths
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the day. By comparison in the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in the catering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
works on the weekend (35%) is almost 5% higher than in the retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
. Meanwhile, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
under half of the retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during the day, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at night.

In terms of the transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who works on the night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shift
(33%) is 6% lower than the day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shift
. Meanwhile, well over four-fifths of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are employed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
the day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shifts
in the finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
. By contrast, a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are employed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at the weekend, night, and evening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shifts
.
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IELTS academic The charts show the work patterns for employees for four industry

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
172 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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