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The charts show the total usage proportions for water in Australia in 2004.

The charts show the total usage proportions for water in Australia in 2004. 75kL6
The pie chart provide details about water consumption in Australia in 2004 in four different categories and the bart chart reports the comparison of water usage in the portion of houses. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that Residential apartments and Houses display an upward trend while others and Government consume lest proportion of water. Kitchen and Toilet experienced loser trend in use of water. Looking first of all at the pie chart, water utilizes by Residential houses was on peak. Surprisingly, the ratio of Industry, Business and Residential apartments are approximately same. But in others and Government sector consuming water ratio was in lowest point. Looking specifically in the bar graph, peoples use water in Bathroom and Garden by 27% and 26% respectively. The ratio of utilization of water is marginally low in washing clothes by 20%. Particularly, the percentage of Toilet was half of the Bathroom by 15% whereas, kitchen considerably in lowest level at 10%.
The pie chart provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption in Australia in 2004 in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bart
chart reports the comparison of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
usage in the portion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is
readily
apparent that Residential apartments and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Houses
display an upward trend while others and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
consume lest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. Kitchen and Toilet experienced loser trend in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of water.

Looking
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
at the pie chart,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
utilizes by Residential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
was on peak.
Surprisingly
, the ratio of Industry, Business and Residential apartments are approximately same.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in others and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
sector consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
ratio was in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
point.

Looking
specifically
in the bar graph, peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in Bathroom and Garden by 27% and 26%
respectively
. The ratio of utilization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is
marginally
low in washing clothes by 20%.
Particularly
, the percentage of Toilet was half of the Bathroom by 15% whereas, kitchen
considerably
in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
level at 10%.
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IELTS academic The charts show the total usage proportions for water in Australia in 2004.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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