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the below bar graph shows the information of 2 genders earning in tha usa in year 2015

the below bar graph shows the information of 2 genders earning in tha usa in year 2015 nNOXE
The bar graph compares the weekly salaries of different age group of men and women in the United States in year 2015. Overall, mens had a rise in their wages simultaneously in every age group. Tough, they had a stabilisation at around $1000 per week of age 45-54. On the other, women’s weekly wage also increased substantially till age 44 after that it remained steady. Then they had a decline in their wages as they grew old. Comparing the data of both the sexes, men’s earning was significantly higher than the women. Men’s wages in the age bracket of 16-24 was $512 in comparison of women that was $450 difference of almost 100. Moving on to the next group 25-34 were earning $771 while other had of $689. In addition, the difference was seen in salaries as men’s were getting around $984 where as, ladies were getting $803. While a plateau in wages was seen in the age bracket of 35 to 54, men’s were still getting appraisal and were getting $1039 till 54 of age. Lastly, a dip in wages can be seen which goes around $775 of women as they age old. Although, men’s still get’s increment when they get older.
The bar graph compares the weekly salaries of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
group of
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men
and
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women
in the United States in year 2015.

Overall
,
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mens had
a rise in their wages
simultaneously
in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group. Tough, they had a
Possible spelling mistake. 'stabilisation' is British English.
stabilisation
at around $1000 per week of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
45-54. On the other,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
weekly wage
also
increased
substantially
till
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
44 after that it remained steady. Then they had a decline in their wages as they grew
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

Comparing the data of both the sexes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
earning was
significantly
higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men’s
wages in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
bracket of 16-24 was $512
in comparison
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
that was $450 difference of almost 100. Moving on to the
next
group 25-34 were earning $771 while other had of $689.
In addition
, the difference was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in salaries as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
were getting around $984
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
, ladies were getting $803. While a plateau in wages was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
bracket of 35 to 54,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
were
still
getting appraisal and were getting $1039 till 54 of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Lastly
, a dip in wages can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
which goes around $775 of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
still
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "gets"?
get’s
increment when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older.
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IELTS academic the below bar graph shows the information of 2 genders earning in tha usa in year 2015

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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