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The charts show medals given on Olympics

The charts show medals given on Olympics 7LAA5
The first bar chart illustrates how many different medals have been received by fife countries after Winter Olympics. The second graph shows the total number of won medals of every country over the period of summer Olympics. Overall, it can be seen that only three countries USA, Russia and Germany are included in both rating. First of all, the winter participants such as Norway, topping the list of the top fife and Canada scored the least different medals in this list have achieved less than 750 medals in summer Olympics and have not been included in this top list. By contrast, Russia have taken the fourth position in winter and have become the second with almost 2000 medals summary in the summer Olympics. Talking about Germany, we can notice the stability of the position. Germany have got about 100 gold and silver and approximately 80 bronze medals in winter and a little less 1750 in summer Olympics. US have received slightly more (on about 50) medals of every type in winter and have become a leader in summer. Great Britain and France complete the list of summer rating with less than 1000 medals.
The
first
bar chart illustrates how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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medals
have
been received
by fife countries after
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Winter
Olympics. The second graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the total number of won
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medals
of every country over the period of
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summer
Olympics.
Overall
, it can be
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seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
three countries USA, Russia and Germany
are included
in both rating.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
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winter
participants such as Norway, topping the
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list
of the top fife and Canada scored the least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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medals
in this
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list
have achieved less than 750
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medals
in
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summer
Olympics and have not
been included
in this top
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list
. By contrast, Russia have taken the fourth position in
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winter
and have become the second with almost 2000
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medals
summary in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
Olympics. Talking about Germany, we can notice the stability of the position. Germany have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
about 100 gold and silver and approximately 80 bronze
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medals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
less 1750 in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
Olympics. US have received
slightly
more (on about 50)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
of every type in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
and have become a leader in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
. Great Britain and France complete the
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list
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
rating with less than 1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
.
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IELTS academic The charts show medals given on Olympics

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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