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The charts illustrates the electricity generated in Germany and France from four different sources in the year 2009 and it is measured in Billions kWh.

The charts illustrates the electricity generated in Germany and France from four different sources in the year 2009 and it is measured in Billions kWh. MVop
The charts illustrates the electricity generated in Germany and France from four different sources in the year 2009 and it is measured in Billions kWh. Overall, it can be seen that conventional thermal was the main source of electricity in Germany. While in France the main source was Nuclear. The total use of electricity in Germany was 560 Billion kWh came from conventional thermal (59. 6%) opposite to France for only 10. 3 and output with 510 billion kWh. As we can see the majority of use for electricity was Nuclear (76%). The renewables amount of these two countries was quite similar with proportions of 13. 7 in France and 17. 4 in Germany. In Germany most of the renewables consisted of biomass and wind total about 77%, higher than hydroelectric (17. 7%) and solar (6. 1%). Although the proportions of use renewables were close, the situation in France was variant and the use of hydroelectric up to 80. 5%. The biomass, wind and solar complete the remaining 20%. Noticeably, no one of the countries used geothermal energy.
The charts
You should probably use "illustrate".
illustrates
the
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electricity
generated in Germany and France from four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sources in the year 2009 and it
is measured
in Billions kWh.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that conventional thermal was the main source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in Germany.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
in France the main source was Nuclear.

The total
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
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electricity
in Germany was 560 Billion kWh came from conventional thermal (59. 6%) opposite to France for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10. 3 and output with 510 billion kWh. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
was Nuclear (76%).

The renewables amount of these two countries was quite similar with proportions of 13. 7 in France and 17. 4 in Germany.

In Germany most of the renewables consisted of biomass and wind total about 77%, higher than hydroelectric (17. 7%) and solar (6. 1%).

Although the proportions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
renewables were close, the situation in France was variant and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of hydroelectric up to 80. 5%.

The biomass, wind and solar complete the remaining 20%.

Noticeably
, no one of the countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
geothermal energy.
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IELTS academic The charts illustrates the electricity generated in Germany and France from four different sources in the year 2009 and it is measured in Billions kWh.

Academic
  American English
8 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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